With her mind fully occupied, it took her a while to sense the presence of another shape-shifter in her bedroom. She quickly sat up. In the dimness of her bedroom, lit only by the shining stars above the transparent ceiling, she found Laja sitting cross-legged on the floor, behind the thin curtain of mosquito net that she hung above her mattress.
(Excerpt from “Land of the Giants”)
The above paragraph describes the scene when Laja ngayap in Lulong’s bilik. In writing a series of novels such as The Return of Panggau Warriors, it is inevitable that ngayap becomes part of the scenes where our heroes court our heroine, especially those who are (decided by the author) still single and available, such as Laja and Sampurai.
What is ‘Ngayap‘?
The Encyclopaedia of Iban Studies(2001) described ngayap as “the traditional method of Iban courtship in which adolescent males visit girls of similar age in their beds at night… It is the primary method of communication between a young couple where public meetings displaying courtship would be criticized as forward (jegit).
Therefore, if you read the books of TROPAWS, there’s hardly any scenes of a private meeting between a male and a female in a longhouse setting. Communications are conducted in the panggau and ruai (the common areas) of the longhouse where most residents of the longhouse gather.
The Encyclopaedia of Iban Studies (2001) further explains that if adolescent males intended to ngayap in their own house or to a house nearby they would possibly lay out their sleeping mats in the sadau (loft) or pantar (covered verandah), and remained there until most other people were sleeping before they would go to the bilik of the girl they wished to visit. If they wished to visit a girl in a more distant house they would probably walk in there in the evening and sit and talk to the people of the girl’s house, and again wait in the pantar until about eleven or midnight, when they would go to the bilik of the girl. The boy would make his way as quietly as possible to the bed of the girl, trying not to wake her parents, or the dog.”
I can only imagine that the Iban boys those days had to have the nerve of steel. For instance, if a boy liked a girl from a longhouse far far away and wished to court he, he would have the whole longhouse breathing down his neck. He couldn’t possibly walk in to another longhouse without the hosts asking him what his intention for coming was. The residents of the longhouse would most probably ask him questions along the line of who he was, where he came from, who his parents were, places where he’d been, what he’d done… you know, the usual screening type of questions. The difference was the boy needed to answer them under the scrutinizing eyes of the whole longhouse residents.
Even if he wanted to court a girl from his own longhouse – should he choose to have an easier courting session, I would stay it still took him a lot of courage to court a girl under the very noses of her whole family, who had the power to decide if there would be another visit in the future or not. I really cannot imagine how it was possible for the boy not to alert the girl’s parents and her siblings who were sleeping in the same room on mats and mattresses on the floor. My best guess is that they heard him coming but pretended that they did not. After all, the visit was somewhat agreed by the boy and the girl beforehand through the subtle exchanges of ‘looks’ and ‘smiles’ in the panggau and ruai of the longhouse. Thus, his visit was expected.
I am particularly curious about how the boy could make the girl’s family dog not aware of him coming, though. Maybe he really had the skill to make himself unseen and unheard by the rest of the family member except from the girl he wanted to visit *winking emoticon* What do you think?
Anyway, although a boy and a girl were given the liberty to choose who they wanted to visit or who they wanted to welcome in their bilik, in the end it was the family (particularly the girl’s parents) who decided if the courting session would continue in the future or it stopped completely after that night. Because regular visits of an ‘approved’ visitor would soon result in the parents took matters in their own hands, and thus, made the proper arrangements between the two families, which ended in an announcement of ‘engagement’ while regular visits of an ‘unapproved’ visitor would be discouraged (in other words: stopped as soon as possible).
This traditional way of courting described above has long been abandoned by the Ibans along with the change of time, which consequently has changed their values and life styles.
If ngayap were still practiced in these modern days, it might take shape like the following picture I found on my fb feed.
The Return of Panggau Warriors 
There is a rule or adat in Iban terms that if a single man ngayap (courts) a girl more than 3 times and still does not intend to marry her, he will be fined according to Iban custom (tusun tunggu) as it is deemed he only wants “to play with girl”! Rejection of the visiting single man by the girl is very embarrassing, so any subsequent visit is not a good idea and may be fined for disturbance according to Iban adat! Only single persons are allowed to be involved in ngayap. Married persons are prohibited and fined according to Iban custom.
Normally, a ngayap session is to ask the girl whether she accepts his marriage proposal, just like a single nowadays asking his girlfriend to marry him. As often, not many of these proposals or advances will be accepted by the girl, just like sales proposals nowadays. In the old days, renong ngayap is sung to pray for the success of the ngayap expedition.
The social standing of both girl and boy may be a deciding factor. Hence, a headhunter with at least a skull head was “very acceptable” as proof of his abilities or capabilities to sustain or grow his family. While for the girl, her handskills especially in weaving is highly desirable.
Possessing good character and personality (manah adat/beradat, bisi budi basa) is needless to say.
There is also another important and general factor which is called bagas (hardworking, resilient and commited) in rice farming, begiga (getting lauk), planting cash crops, raising children/parenting, bejalai (go on sojourn to seek fortune or knowledege). So there can be “bujang bagas or dara bagas” reputations given by others to certain persons!
Besides, the family status or history of both girl and boy is also considered. That is where genealogy comes in in addition to deciding the acceptability of the marriage union.
So at the end of the status of Iban men and women is decided or ascertained upon his or her death according to adat tebalu (widow/widower fee). Nowadays, of course, education may be desirable advantage.
Hello again.
Thank you so much for the information you gave about ‘ngayap’.
Feel free to read my other posts and add in your knowledge, if you can spare the time and do not mind sharing it here. I am most interested in finding out more information.